a triumph

I’m very surprised.  I was so upset about that job, and I really didn’t think that forcing myself to change perspectives or focus on positives would make me any less upset…  But it really, truly did!  

I told myself that not getting this job meant I could keep looking for something better, that I didn’t have to worry about how my work schedule might complicate my summer class schedule, that I didn’t have to stress over finding the seemingly impossible solution to child care right away…  

What I DIDN’T allow myself to think:  I wasn’t good enough, I’ll never get a job, I’ll never find another job as perfect for me, I need the money, they didn’t like me, my degree is worthless, etc…  

All of these thoughts occurred to me, but I immediately made the decision to think about something positive instead…

“I wasn’t good enough–Of course I was good enough, I just don’t have the specific work history they’re seeking, and maybe I should start looking for opportunities to get that experience.  Wouldn’t that be fun?”  

“I need the money–but I need to finish my graduate degree first, and I just can’t work full-time and complete my summer internship at the same time, so the job can wait.  Getting a job and not finishing school would mean having to pay off student loans right away, and I wouldn’t have the degree that I invested all of this money into.  Financial aid will come soon, and that will help carry me through.”

“My degree is worthless–not at all.  My degree has gotten me into graduate school, it’s found me work in the past, and it’s not what removed me from this hiring process.  My degree was perfect, my work history just wasn’t ideal.”

“They didn’t like me–because they’ve never met me.  If they had met me, they would have loved me, and they’d have had to make a difficult decision to hire me without the work history or to pass on someone they loved over that detail.  They didn’t reject ME because they don’t know a thing about ME–they rejected an electronic report of things I’ve done.”

Some of these counter-arguments were a little difficult to think of at first, because I really was very upset, and I’ve had three decades of conditioning to tell me to beat myself up and feel miserable.  I just had to take a step back, take a breath, and start making some analytic lists of what really happened and how I can fix it for the next application.  Instead of feeling defeated, I actually began to feel really inspired!  I realized that the things that prevented me from getting this job were things that I wanted to do but just hadn’t known to look for before.  Now I know where I want to start looking for jobs, for volunteer work, and for ways to get involved that will not only make me happy, but that will round out my resume the next time a position like this one pops up.

Additionally, this experience gave me the chance to practice my fargazing philosophy and develop new techniques that work for me, and it gave me the joyous feeling of knowing that I tried to do something difficult and alien to me, and I triumphed!  I feel so great on so many levels–how many times have people felt THIS GOOD about being turned down for a job they wanted??

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