bumps in the road

As I’ve said before, this blog won’t always be happy feel-good stuff.  Because, well, it’s not a motivational blog–it’s a personal blog.  I’m human.  I’m new to this whole ‘fargazing’ philosophy.  I have rough days, too.

Today is–I’m struggling not to call it bad.  I feel like calling it a bad day might taint the entire day, and it’s not even 11am yet.  It’s a challenging day.

There was a job listing that someone directed me towards because they thought it would be perfect for me.  I was wary of applying initially because my self-esteem is weak and I didn’t think I was able to do it, but several people were so enthusiastic about just how perfect a fit I was, I got to work revising a resume, preparing the perfect cover letter, etc.  I spent two entire days working on this flawless job application, which I submitted Friday, and I tried not to obsess over it all weekend while awaiting the verification of my application as meeting the qualifications and being ready for review.  Despite my best efforts to put it out of my mind, I grew increasingly more excited about this new career prospect, realizing every few hours that Oh! I’ve done something like that, too, so yes, I CAN do this job!

I knew I’d meet the minimum qualifications easily, and I had one or two minor concerns about the additional qualifications they were seeking, but I felt I was close enough on those and so solid on all the others, I’d be shocked if I didn’t get an interview.  And boy, with every passing hour, I grew more and more confident in my ability to just ACE that interview!

When my email notification chimed on my phone this morning and I saw the subject line, my heart skipped a beat.  My application status had been updated–now I could officially see that it was being considered for the position!  I quickly opened the email, smiling in anticipation.

Denied: Did Not Meet Minimum Requirements.

WHAT?!?  I’m practically perfect for this position!  I have countless years of experience doing almost everything this job entails, and a solid familiarity of the two other aspects that will make picking it up a breeze!  I NAILED those minimum requirements, and then some!  How could they say I didn’t meet them?!?

I was crushed.  CRUSHED.  I hadn’t planned on getting the job, but I sure had wanted it.  I did expect an interview, because I know I have all the skills and experience to do this job well, and I really did only have two additional skills questions where I had to say, “I have done things very similar to this” instead of flat out, “Yeah, been there, done that, and I ROCK AT IT.”  I just absolutely cannot fathom how anyone could have looked at my application and seen ANY indication that the MINIMUM requirements weren’t more than adequately met.  I’m…  I’m floored.

I felt worthless.  I cried a little.  I felt like giving up, like if I couldn’t even get past the first step of the screening for this job that is SO perfect for me, how could I ever expect to get hired anywhere, doing anything, when nothing else out there is so perfectly tailored to my unique combination of training and experience.  I was utterly hopeless, and I nearly went back to bed and called it a day.  At 9:00am.

I did my best to shrug it off, to chalk it up to one of life’s little lessons about not getting everything we want and dusting ourselves off to go meet the next challenge head-on.  I told myself it was their misfortune that they won’t get to meet me, talk to me, see my passion for this field and my absolute perfection for this job.  I told myself that I couldn’t take it personally, because the person reviewing it has never met me or interacted with me in any capacity, so she couldn’t possibly be rejecting me–just an electronic file.  I’m doing my best to move past this, to think about all of the other opportunities that are out there for me that I’ll get to explore now that I know I won’t be tied to this one particular job.

It’s hard, and I’m struggling.  I’m not feeling very positive right now.  I could post about how unfair it is and how angry and sad I am, but what good would that do?  Would it help me?  Sure, everyone loves to vent a bit…  But, really, WOULD IT HELP ME?  Would my life be any better for complaining…  Or would it possibly be worse?

I’m not willing to take the chance that I could harm my outlook, my self-esteem, or my emotional well-being by focusing on the negative.  Nobody likes to be rejected, to be told no, or to miss out on their dream job…  But I have SO many dreams, and this was just one of them, and there are countless other ways to fulfill them.  There WILL be other jobs, and maybe others that seem somehow MORE perfect for me…  Down the road.

For now, I have to just push down those negative thoughts and try to drown them completely with a more positive spin.  That’s how I’m going to get through today, how I’m going to have a fantastic afternoon even after a tearful morning, and how I’m going to find the strength and courage to put myself out there the next time.  It’s not easy…  But it’s definitely worth it.

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