I know, I know… People say it, and they post it on their facebook feeds, and it’s supposed to be inspirational and profound, and it just ISN’T. Believe me, I know, I get it.
Today, though… It somehow works. It makes sense. It has meaning! I know, I hardly believe it myself, but today? It’s true.
I don’t know why it hit me so suddenly or so deeply, but I was perusing my old blog that I hadn’t updated in a year, and I was realizing how very far I’ve come in the past year… I was struggling with a lot of very real, very serious issues. Nobody had died on me recently, and I wasn’t living on the streets, but I was battling severe demons, just the same. The kind that you don’t tell people about, unless it’s through the facade of internet anonymity. The kind that make people who have known you for a year suddenly second-guess everything they thought they knew about you… You’ve probably got some of those issues yourself, haven’t you? I imagine most of us do, and we seem to fluctuate so quickly between thinking we’re the only ones in the world who can know what it’s like and then feeling guilty because surely there are folks out there with REAL problems… Right? You know what I mean?
Anyway, I was looking at those last few posts, just before I started to change my life. Of course, when I posted them, I had no idea such dramatic changes were on my horizon. I just knew I was unhappy, and I was trying not to be. So, somehow, now, a mere twelve months later… That’s all changed. But HOW?
Because I changed it. I still face those same struggles.
My weight struggles continue, my health issues persist, and my kid still faces the same impossible obstacles now that she has faced since birth, but my OUTLOOK–that’s completely different! The basic facts of my life are all new. I was unhappy, so I changed my life, and I’m happy now! The economy hasn’t changed, and I have FAR less money to my name now than I had last year. I’m sitting pretty at $81 in the bank with a $255 car note due in seven days, and I’m still unemployed. A year ago? I would have been contemplating drastic (DRASTIC!) measures, but instead, I find myself looking at a new opportunity to de-clutter the house and sell off some things I’ve been hanging onto for no particular reason. I see motivation to do some contracted work for my parents so they can help me out financially and not be simply giving me charity. I see options that I wouldn’t have had the strength of mind to see before.
I know, you’re still not buying it–but it’s true! I’m a different person than I was a year ago, and all that changed is that I started looking for SOLUTIONS instead of focusing on the problems. Instead of obsessing over how horrible I look naked, I’m making tiny dietary changes each week to move myself towards healthier eating. I’m enrolling in group dance and fitness classes through the local college and their community outreach programs so I can have a fun motivating factor to get me back into a regular fitness routine. I’m taking a women’s self-defense class with friends this fall. I’m not thinking about how much weight I need to lose or what size jeans I want to wear; I’m looking for fun solutions *that work for me* (because, let’s face it, a 1100-calorie-per-day diet and 5am gym date every morning just isn’t for everyone!), and I’m moving forward in a positive and uplifting way.
And the health issue? That’s the tip of the iceberg. In one year, without any intentional thought or purpose, I managed to completely change my lifestyle so I can be happy every day of my life. I have eased away from the old “friends” who dragged me down and have surrounded myself with positive, like-minded, cheerful people. I have taught myself to celebrate my daughter’s tiny day-to-day victories instead of looking at the things she can’t or won’t ever do. I have filled my time with activities that are meaningful to me.
I shed the baggage, and I’m looking ahead!
I don’t intend for this to be a “motivational” blog. I’m not full of sap and cheeseball “inspirational” cliches and images. I’m a real, down-to-earth person with real struggles and real problems, and that’s what will fill these pages in the days to come–me and my life. That being said, who I am is not who I was, and I tend to see more positives than negatives these days, so this site will NOT be full of whining, woe-is-me, somebody please fix it all buggery. That’s not who I am anymore, and, frankly, I no longer have any tolerance for those types of people in my life.
So Hello, Blogosphere! I have returned, but I’m not how you last saw me. Here’s to fargazing…